As a parent, you are no stranger to making decisions for your child, like what they eat, when they sleep and what school they attend. And you understand the challenges of trying to balance what they want with what you know they need. Custody decisions may be no different. If you are divorcing or separating, you should know if and how much a child’s preference will influence the outcome.
A child’s preference can matter, but it is not the final word
Virginia law does allow a child’s preference to be considered in custody decisions, but there is an important condition. Under the law, a court will weigh a child’s preference only if the judge determines that the child is of reasonable intelligence, maturity and experience to express a meaningful opinion.
There is no set age at which a child’s wishes automatically take effect. Though, a 16-year-old’s preference will generally carry more weight than a 7-year-old’s. That said, even a teenager’s wishes are just one piece of a much larger picture.
The many other factors courts consider
Virginia courts must evaluate the best interests of the child as a whole. A child’s stated preference is just one of many factors judges examine. Others include:
- The age and physical and mental condition of the child
- The relationship each parent has with the child
- Each parent’s role in the child’s day-to-day upbringing and care
- Each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent
- Each parent’s ability to cooperate and resolve disputes
- Any history of family abuse or neglect
Every one of these factors can influence the final custody arrangement, sometimes more heavily than the child’s own wishes.
Your child’s best interests come first
Custody decisions are among the most consequential a court can make, and they are rarely simple. Your child’s voice matters, but so does the full context of your family’s situation.
Reaching the right outcome may require guidance from attorneys, child psychologists and in some cases, a guardian ad litem appointed to represent your child’s interests directly. You do not have to figure this out alone, and your child should not have to carry the weight of this decision either.